Yes, I have something to say about the Black Lives Matter Movement
Black Lives Matter.
Photo: Gabriele Chalon
Just when we thought the WTF was coming to a close, right? April was really bad, May was a drag, and June is apparently trying to break my spirit entirely. But it won't.
I've spent the past week defending, explaining, counseling, and defending some more. Basically trying to make people feel better about something that just seems so basic to me:
The police need to stop killing unarmed black people, and they need to be accountable for it when they do.
Somehow that's controversial. I've run into a lot of "buts", and worse. I questioned one woman about her repeated contention that if we were taught to love and respect each other in grade school, police killings wouldn't happen. She replied, "Well, if you can't understand how important love and respect is, then the black community is worse off than I thought." Stuff like that.
That being said, most of the non-Black people I associate with, both on and offline, are trying to do the best that they know to do. I'm grateful for that.
However, every day (Every.Day.) I get asked, "What should I say? Am I saying the wrong thing? Why is what I said or did was wrong? "
I'm going to speak to the women who are reading this right now, and hopefully men will get it, too.
When you talk to Black people about the Black Lives Matter movement and police abuse, all you have to do is extrapolate from your own experience.
Women know what it is like to be treated as lesser beings whose body is the property of other eyes and hands, and whose needs and complaints are easily and often dismissed.
So, here's a rough analogy:
Say you work in an office, and your male boss is constantly sexually harassing you. You tell another male co-worker about it. What's the response that you would like to hear from him:
"Wow, that's so upsetting to hear. Here is what I'm going to do to make myself feel better about what's happening to you..."
"That's terrible! But first, can you explain what sexual harassment is, the history of it, and why it's such a problem for women? I'm not sure I understand."
"How do we stop him? Do you want to report him to HR? Do you want me to go with you? What do you want to do to fix this and how can I help?"
#1 and #2 are things someone can do on their own, and neither is a direct solution to the problem . Instead, acknowledge that the abuse is wrong, ask how you can help to stop it, and follow through with it to the best of your ability. That's it.
Just as every woman you know has a story about being sexually harassed, every Black person you know has a story about facing the police and hoping they survive . And yes, I do, too. And that sucks.
Stay safe and I'll talk to you soon,
Elizabeth